At 8 years old, Atti is starting to cross over from the little kid phase to the big kid phase. And with that comes all the development that starts to freak parents out. All the development that will eventually wind up in independent adulthood, but right now is just kind of scary. And for a kid with significant motor disabilities, it’s even scarier. While many parents are worried about what dating might look like for their kids in a few years, parents of kids with disabilities worry if their kids will even have friendships, let alone dates. I worry that as his body continues to grow that I’ll be able to meet the demands of caretaking. I worry about his struggles in school and what that might mean for his future. If he’ll be able to live independently, be hired at a job, study at college. I know Atti is capable of everyone of those things, but I worry if the world will let him in to try.
Lately I’ve come across a couple of exceptional pieces of media that have rendered me crying in the fetal position, not out of fear, but out of gratitude I could barely contain.
I stumbled across the documentary Becoming Bulletproof while I was flipping through my cable channels and I watched the whole thing with Atticus, despite there being some frank sexuality talk that he might have been too young for. But then again, maybe not.
The documentary is a behind the scenes story of a group of actors making a movie. Only most of the actors have disabilities. You watch as the able bodied crew is constantly surprised at the abilities of the actors – making interesting choices, playing to their strengths, falling in love with someone else on set, having dreams for their futures. You see the intense emotional cost of having to live in a world that doesn’t see you as human. And how that emotional cost actually exacerbates the limitations of the disabilities these people have. You see disabled adults actually expressing adult emotions and experiences in a way that is NEVER done in media.
One of the actors is a man named AJ who has cerebral palsy and I kept stopping the movie to make sure Atti was paying attention to someone on the screen that was just like him. Someone just like him who always had this secret dream of being an actor, but knew he couldn’t make it happen on his own in his current circumstances. But at this camp, a camp for actors with disabilities to go to and make one movie a summer, he could. And you watch him overcome his physical limitations, overcome his hard won insecurities, and deliver a performance. You see how much it means to him to contribute, to have people depend on him, to live his dreams. And I sobbed and I sobbed and then I found him on twitter so I could fall at his feet in gratitude that I had this movie to use to mentor my son through his own limitations and insecurities.
I want every single person who loves Atticus to find this movie and watch it.
I’ve been a fan of Zach Anner’s since I saw him on Oprah Winfrey’s reality show where she was giving away an OWN television show. He was funny and charming and above the usual reality show squabbles because he was really trying to do something more than just be on a reality show. He has an awesome Youtube channel and has just published his first book If At Birth You Don’t Succeed.
Zach also has cerebral palsy and uses a wheelchair to get around, just like Atti, just like AJ. He is funny and winning and vulnerable and in both his Youtube videos and his book he discusses his disability with humor and charm. No self pity, but also no apologies. A lot of the book revolves around his romantic life which I found to be so wonderful. It was full of relatable humor – everyone knows what it’s like to be clueless and fumbling while longing for love – but also really examined the barriers the world puts up for anyone who doesn’t function in the one particular way that most often occurs. He jokes about all the times a curb keeps him from shopping, how his wheelchair breaking down causes no end of problems, how his eyes make reading and school challenging, and all the times he had to find a work around for those barriers or give up. And with his ingenuity and humor he found enough work arounds to accomplish more than most people.
Watch this movie. Read this book. Think what your life would be like if you had different barriers in your life, but the same brain in your head. How it feels to be denied opportunity. And then help me make the world bigger for Atticus.