I mentioned in my lemon curd post that I’d come up with a lemon bar idea, only I promised it a week later. A month later’s the same thing, right? Trust me, it’s worth the wait.

When Martha Stewart published her cookie book a couple years ago, I snapped it right up. Martha’s recipes have never been bulletproof for me, there are several I haven’t been able to replicate, and one was for a cookie made with pistachios and lemon juice. The recipe promised chewy, it turned into a big swath of goo. But, that big swath of goo tasted delicious. Pistachios and lemon are a perfect pair.

My mother-in-law’s favorite way to eat lemon curd is with old fashioned gingersnaps. The more ginger the better. She was up visiting last month and left behind a tin of gingersnaps, so I thought using them to make a cookie crumb crust would be perfect. All together the gingersnap, pistachio, and lemon, make this a total flavor bomb. It is the brightest, zingiest thing you’ll eat for ages, but not face puckering, thanks to the salty grounding of the pistachio. These are dangerously edible.

Pistachio Lemon Bars with Gingersnap Crust

8 oz pistachio nuts
1 1/2 C gingersnap cookie crumbs
1/4 C sugar
5 T melted butter
6 eggs
3 C sugar
2 T lemon zest
1 C lemon juice
1 C flour

Mix together the cookie crumbs, 1/4 C sugar, and melted butter, and press it into a 9 x 12 baking pan. Bring the crust up the sides about an inch. Bake in a 350 degree oven for about 10 minutes, or until the crust is dry.

Shell the pistachio nuts and pulse them in a food processor until they are diced into tiny bits. Scatter half of the nuts on top of the cookie crust.

Mix the rest of the ingredients together, whisking to combine. Pour over the nuts. Spread the remaining nuts on top of the filling. Bake at 350 for 30 minutes, or until the filling is set.

Lemon bars are such a bake sale staple, because they are a classic. But even classics benefit from a little tweaking, and then can seem fresh all over again when you return to them. Although, I love the salty and sweet of this so much, I won’t be rushing back to the classic any time soon.

Pistachio Lemon Bars with Gingersnap Crust

These little clips are what caught my attention first, and I’ve already used them a ton. Holding pieces together while glue dries, keeping binding in place, instead of pins, anyplace you need a little pinch to hold things in position, these can do the job. They’re amazing and I don’t know why they haven’t been used for years.

So what, you might be saying. It’s a magnetic pin caddy. Seen it. Oh ho ho, just you wait. Those of us with OCD have been waiting for this beauty for ages. See the angle I’m holding the pins at? Then I dropped them.

And they magically line up perfectly, bridging that little gap that also creates the easiest ever place to pick them up. Pins all neatly lined up in a row. It’s ridiculous how happy this makes me.

Disclaimer: Clover sent me these items for free, but didn’t pay me any money to review them. They just sent me these things because I asked for them, since I know Clover to be a brand I can recommend wholeheartedly, and I featured them because they legitimately bring me pleasure. Cuz I’m a craft tool nerd.

Year of Pleasures – Great Tools

Mother’s Day has never been a day I terribly enjoyed. That’s really underselling things. I flat out hated it. I stayed in bed as long as I could get away with, snapped at Bear, stayed in both my pajamas and a depressive funk, and went back to bed as early as I could. Part of that was of course because of our long struggles with infertility, but thanks to Atti that issue has gotten a lot easier. As I was looking back through my archives to find that link, I noticed that most of my Mother’s Day posts describe me staying home from church. That’s no accident. Having a child made one part of Mother’s Day better, but I didn’t think that anything could fix how I felt about not having my own mother to celebrate.

25 lbs of cherries to do anything I want with

My childhood was rough, and yadda yadda yadda, I haven’t spoken to my parents in nearly 13 years. They haven’t changed their behavior, they think I’m ridiculous and melodramatic, and there is a big hole in my life where family is supposed to be. Since Atti was born, I spent Mother’s Days adoring him and being grateful for my little family, but there was always a dark echo reminding me of the relationship I’d severed.

I was never sad for the actual relationship, or missed my actual mother. Cutting off contact was the absolute right thing, and continues to be. What I mourn is the mother in my imagination. The one who was supportive, who cheered me on, who thought I was great and liked spending time with me. The mother I’m trying to be to Atticus. And when I would go to church, I’d hear stories of that mother, and the missing was too much to bear.

and cinnamon gummi bears. I ate til I was too full to sleep.

When I woke up yesterday morning, Bear asked me if I was going to go to church. I hemmed and hawed, started getting ready and then got back in bed. I couldn’t decide if I was ready to chance losing my composure at the mention of that mother I longed for and never got to have. But Atti just got a hair cut and Bear was getting him dressed, so I decided to take a chance.

I’m so glad I did. My little guy sang in the Primary choir, his face just peeking up over the wall of the stand. I spent time with my church family where I felt loved and accepted. And surrounded by my women friends in Relief Society, I felt fine. I felt better than fine. I felt that I was finally ready to let go of the last traces of the dream and recognize that the mother I never got to have was all around me, spread out throughout all the women I know. Women who teach me and nurture me, who help me raise my child, who offer me inspiration and someone to love. Family is what we make it, and I am so grateful for mine.

Mother’s Day without a mother

Still, Atti’s beginning to recognize. And kids will ask why he doesn’t talk much or what’s wrong with his legs or why he gets to ride in the special chair, and I want him to understand in a way that doesn’t make him different from other kids.

I decided the best way would be for Atti to have a book about it. He and I are so connected that way. I used Snapfish to make this photo book (Tinyprints has sponsored me in the past with Snapfish photo books, but I paid for this one all by myself), and it still makes me cry to read it.

Telling Atti about his disability

What I’m Eating: Hard Boiled Egg

I think I might have married an evil genius. After years of pestering him to get a hobby, he takes up baking. Out of all the baking he’s tried his favorite thing to make is cheesecake. And now he decides to make the best possible cheesecake he can imagine: Chocolate cheesecake on a bed of caramel, and topped with a peanut butter ganache. And then for good measure, sprinkled with crumbled up Butterfinger pieces, and drizzled with more caramel. No sense in going halfway, eh?

Candy Bar Cheesecake

Crust:
14 oz graham cracker crumbs
5 oz melted unsalted butter

Caramel:
1/2 lb sugar
1/4 C water
1/4 tsp lemon juice
1 T corn syrup
3/4 C heavy cream
1 oz unsalted butter

Cheesecake:
3 lbs cream cheese
2 lbs chocolate, melted
12 oz sugar
2 oz cornstarch
2 tsp vanilla
5 eggs
2 egg yolks

Peanut Butter Ganache:
1 C Creamy Peanut Butter
1/4 – 1/2 C heavy cream
2 lbs powdered sugar

Mix the graham cracker crumbs with the butter, and press into the bottom and sides of a 10″ springform pan.

Make the caramel sauce. Put the sugar, water, and lemon juice in a saucepan and bring to a boil. Add corn syrup and cook until the syrup turns golden. Take the pan off the heat and slowly add the heavy cream. Stir, returning to the heat if you need to work out any lumps. Add the butter with the pan off the heat, stir until the sauce is smooth. Pour the sauce into the pan, on top of the crumbs.

Mix the cheesecake batter. Blend the cream cheese and sugar together until smooth, then add the cornstarch and vanilla. Add in the melted chocolate and stir to combine. Add in the eggs a couple at a time, blending thoroughly, but don’t over mix or the cheesecake will be dry. Pour the batter on top of the caramel.

Bake at 350 F until the cheesecake is set, which should take around 40 minutes. Let cool thoroughly.

Make the peanut butter ganache. Blend the ingredients together, adding more cream and sugar as necessary to make it as sweet as you like, while still being creamy enough to spread without tearing the cake. The exact measurements will depend on how sweet the peanut butter started, and how sweet you want it to be. Spread onto the cooled cake. Top with candy and more caramel sauce if you’re a total glutton like us.

Bear makes a lot of amazing things, but this one has totally blown my mind. All those years of chemistry classes ended up actually paying off, and now I’m married to a guy who comes up with stuff like this. I think this might be the point where he crosses the line of using his powers for good. This cheesecake might be so good it’s a weapon.

Candy Bar Cheesecake

A Christmas present from my inlaws that was a total slam dunk. My love for lounge pants is well documented, but these ones are fuzzy, inside and out. Miraculous.

Year of Pleasures: Fuzzy Pants

Before this day, when Atti got a bath we’d fill the tub with a few inches of water and leave him lying down in it on his back. I couldn’t get distracted in case he rolled over and couldn’t get back, and I couldn’t fill the tub high enough to cover his belly without it coming too close to his face. As he grew this method became more and more complicated. At four years old he’s tall enough to only have a few inches on each end of him before he hits tub. This wouldn’t work for much longer, which meant special equipment, bathroom remodels, no access to rental properties, and lots and lots of cash.

But not anymore. He did it. He sat up in the tub, all by himself. It took more work than anyone ever realizes.

Step 1: Roll from your back to your side, try and sit up sideways but fall back down when those side muscles can’t do it on their own.

Step 2: Make it back down to your back and move over to give yourself some space to work.

Step 3: Get that elbow in position, and push.

Step 4: Push with your elbows and pull with your abs until you’re straining with all of your might. Go from your elbows to your hands and keep pushing. Make your mom so excited she finally puts the dang camera down to cheer you on.

Step 5: Sit up

All done on his own and while carefully concealing himself for the good of the internet.

This is not just any other milestone. Being able to sit up means independence. Taking a regular bath means access. No matter what happens in his future, no matter if he never captures any further ability, he’ll be able to live independently. He’ll be able to rent a regular old apartment, live on his own, have a normal life. He’ll be able to do everything he wants to do.

This little kid amazes me every single day. He has to fight and strain and work for things that come so naturally to most of us that we don’t even think about it. But he keeps going. He’s my little hero.

What it takes

This is how the parasol came. White rice paper on a bamboo frame, covered with this awful nylon fabric at the top.

So I cut that fabric off as close as I dared without the whole thing coming apart on me.

I knew I wanted to take advantage of the transparency, so I decided to decorate it using a resist technique. To start, I used a clear embossing ink and stamped an image on the parasol. I used a fine clear embossing powder and poured it over the ink.

Shake the excess powder off and back into the container, then use a heat gun to melt the powder.

To get this great watercolor effect, I used acrylic craft paint I had on hand and watered it way down. In spots where I got a little more color than I wanted, I just went back over it with water to lighten things up. You can see how the paint just slides right off those embossed images. I used orange tissue paper to cover the knob at the top.

And then wrapped ribbon around it, using white liquid glue to keep it in place.

My parasol had that circle that I wasn’t loving, and in my trial run at decorating this I changed my mind, tried to undo it after the glue was set, and managed to rip a hole in it. So I cut a circle out of green vellum and used more liquid glue to stick that down.

Then I finished it with a few more ribbons. A little bit around the edge of the vellum circle to polish that up, and then a couple tied around in a knot to trail in the breeze.

Now I’m just going to set this on the corner of the blanket and Atti can crawl under it whenever he needs a break from the glare. Which I’m sure will be often.

Aside from the practical shade purposes, I think it’s really lovely, and once I saw the light diffusing effects I fell totally in love. It makes me want to get married all over again just so I can make a canopy of these to soften harsh sunlight or the florescent lights of a rented hall.

Summer Parasol

Do contacts ever get *comfortable*? Even when I wear them for a week in a row they still feel dry and itchy.

At the end of the year, when I realized I hadn’t used any of the insurance for my eyes that we’ve been paying for, I figured I better sneak in a visit and get myself a new pair of glasses. Now when I drive or watch TV I don’t have to give myself deep furrowed wrinkles from all my squinting.

And anything that makes me look like Tina Fey, even out of the corner of your eye, is a good thing in my book.

Glasses