Atti is making me crazy. Totally totally crazy. Like, I had to give myself a time out for the first time ever as a mom, crazy. We’ve spent every moment together for the last two weeks since school ended and the poor kid is bored, misses his beloved school, and isn’t getting enough of my attention. Unfortunately, I don’t get a summer break. I have to keep working, and that workload has grown exponentially with some behind the scenes projects. He gets whiny and angry and screamy, I get short tempered and frustrated, and we feed each other’s problems. I want a break so I push him away, which makes him more clingy and desperate, which makes me need a break even more. It hasn’t been pretty.
But I keep trying to remind myself, as frustrating as this all is, it’s also an incredibly good sign. What 4 year old makes it through summer without getting whiny and clingy? As much as he’s driving me crazy, there’s also a part of me that is kind of excited. Because this is NORMAL. Kids are supposed to get bored and need stimulus, and other kids, and activities. All things that Atti has not expressed any interest in before this. The few playdates we’ve done have ended with him on my lap as I talk with the other moms, and the other kids playing together or whining to their moms for attention. Finally he’s ready to leave his little shell and he wants to play, dangit. That’s awesome news, if I had a clone to do it for me.
Luckily he qualifies for summer school, and he went back this morning. I’m sure we’ll get back to ourselves soon, but as of right now he’s still being a bit of a butthead. I visited the classroom to bring in some of his equipment and he lost his mind when he saw me, thinking I was taking him home and away from school. He was absolutely inconsolable and I had to leave him crying in the corner and let the teachers handle it because he refused to chill out as long as I was in the room. Then when he got home we had to go to a few different stores to find him some new shoes and he was whining and yelling and pulling my hair through the whole thing.
This may be normal, and overall good news, but that doesn’t mean I have to like it.